Hey, everybody! Which joker ordered me an iPhone? I’m not even a Verizon customer, but this was thoughtful. Guess I have a secret admirer! Tee hee!
Wait. Oh, dear. I’ve had things stolen before, but getting my car prowled or my bike swiped was one thing. This is different: you ordered this in my name, sent it to my house? This is not just an offense. This is an indignity!
Coward! Brigand! You ordered movables on my account, you low schemer. You traded upon my name, my house, my home. You conspired to interdict the delivery, run off with the cursed gizmo, saddle me with an installment contract. The gall! Worse, by your avarice, you have held me up to Calumny before the Community! Not only those fine men of Verizon - the pride of Bedminster! - but also the United Parcel Service, that fleet-footed host, sons of the timber, toast of Seattle. And those sober gentlemen of the Experian firm of Dublin and Nottingham. All dragged heedless and unknowing into this damnable farce, in my name. How can I go in publick after such humiliation?
Now, with your fiendish gambit in ruins, do you expect I’ll just, what, make do? Lick my wounds, lesson learned? While you melt back into your gutter? No, sir! No. This will not stand. I hereby give my Notice, before all Free Men, that I will have my Satisfaction. Show yourself! At dawn, for pistols. Show yourself! Come! Stand, and receive my Judgement! Show yourself! COWARD!
Wait. Oh, dear. I’ve had things stolen before, but getting my car prowled or my bike swiped was one thing. This is different: you ordered this in my name, sent it to my house? This is not just an offense. This is an indignity!
Coward! Brigand! You ordered movables on my account, you low schemer. You traded upon my name, my house, my home. You conspired to interdict the delivery, run off with the cursed gizmo, saddle me with an installment contract. The gall! Worse, by your avarice, you have held me up to Calumny before the Community! Not only those fine men of Verizon - the pride of Bedminster! - but also the United Parcel Service, that fleet-footed host, sons of the timber, toast of Seattle. And those sober gentlemen of the Experian firm of Dublin and Nottingham. All dragged heedless and unknowing into this damnable farce, in my name. How can I go in publick after such humiliation?
Now, with your fiendish gambit in ruins, do you expect I’ll just, what, make do? Lick my wounds, lesson learned? While you melt back into your gutter? No, sir! No. This will not stand. I hereby give my Notice, before all Free Men, that I will have my Satisfaction. Show yourself! At dawn, for pistols. Show yourself! Come! Stand, and receive my Judgement! Show yourself! COWARD!
